As a public service...

...to (both) my readers who still have electricity in spite of repeated hurricane assaults,I'm posting a drink recipes to celebrate the fact that you do. This is what I love about south Louisiana: the fur can be flying, but there's still a sense of humor. Thanks, Lynn, for forwarding this to me!

MANDATORY EVACUATION
1 1/2 ox. Absolute Ruby Red Vodka
1/2 oz. vermouth Clamato
Prune juice
Combo vodka & vermouth in cocktail glass. Fill remainder of glass w/equal parts of Clamato & prune juice. Stir. Drink. Ask next door neighbor whose oak tree blew over & crashed onto your roof (even though you'd warned him for months to uproot it) if you can use his bathroom. Repeat.

CATEGORY 5
1/2 oz. vodka
1/2 oz. tequila
1/2 oz. rum
1/2 oz. bourbon
1/2 oz. gin
Sweet & South mix
Splash of fruit juice
Combo all liquors in a tall glass. Stir, then garnish w/an inverted drink umbrella. Drink during peak storm hours, and vow not to believe anyone who tries to tell you that the hurricanes that flooded your garage and destroyed your shed was just a Cat 1!

CONE OF PROBABILITY
1 oz. Cinnamon Schnapps
1 sugar cone
Pour the Schnapps into the sugar cone. Every time you hear a TV weatherman say, "Cone of probability," bite off the end of the cone and down the shot. If you hear Jim Cantore (The Weather Channel) say it, drink two shots consecutively. (They should change this to the "Cantore Zone"....damn him. Have you ever noticed that... despite all the cone of probability talk, if Cantore is parked in front of your house, your ass is toast!!!!!)

FEEDER BAND
2 oz. Midori
2 oz. rum
1 scoop vanilla ice cream
After your home looses power, combine Midori & rum in a cocktail glass. Add scoop of vanilla ice cream that is melting in your freezer! Stir & drink through a straw. (A Wendy's Frosty will never taste the same.....)

BEACH EROSION
1 1/2 oz Goldschloger
1 1/2 oz apple brandy
1 pack Sugar in the Raw
Combine liquors & sugar in cocktail glass. As you drink, seriously contemplate moving your Yankee ass BACK to New Jersey where it belongs!!!

DOWNED POWER LINE
1 1/2 oz. rum
5 oz. Jolt Cola
Combine ingredients in a cocktail glass. Drink while trying to figure out how in the hell you're supposed to go 2 freakin' weeks (OR LONGER) w/o television AND air condition....especially now that COLLEGE FOOTBALL HAS STARTED!!!!!!!!

FLOOD ZONE
2 oz. Kahlua
2 oz. Bailey's Irish Crème
4 oz. rum
Serve in a 6 oz glass and laugh/cry deliriously as the mess spills all over the countertop!!

COLD SHOWER
2 oz. Blue Aftershock
4 oz. Sprite
Combine in a cocktail glass w/ the crushed ice you receive after waiting in line for THREE hours at a mall parking lot. Take a deep breath, sip and scream like a little girl when the cold beverage hits your tongue. Repeat.


LOOTER SHOOTER (My personal favorite!!!)
1 oz of Jack Daniels
splash of sarsaparilla
Rock salt
Load both barrels of a shotgun with rock salt. Climb onto the roof of your home w/shotgun, bottle of Jack and can of sarsaparilla. Fill shot glass with both. Watch for looters. When you spot one, blast his ass w/rock salt. Drink shot. REPEAT!

THE CHAIN SAW
1 oz. Goldschloger
1 oz. Rumplemintz
3 oz Jim Beam splash of vermouth
Combine 1st three liquors in an empty soup can. Add splash of vermouth. Drink. Remove chain saw from garage and attempt to cutup fallen tree limbs in yard. Ask neighbor to drive you to hospital when it all goes horribly wrong.

FOUR-WAY STOP (quite clever)
1 1/2 oz vodka
1 1/2 oz. vodka & Midori
1 1 /2 oz. vodka & Galliano
1 1/2 oz. vodka & grenadine
Pour each ingredient in to a separate shot glass. Serve one to yourself and 3 other people. The person with the clear shot of vodka drinks first. The person to his right drinks the Midori shot and so on. If somebody drinks out of order, develop a quick case of road rage and beat the living crap out of him.

BLUE TARP
1 1/2 oz. Curacao
2 oz pineapple juice
Splash of lime
Combine ingredients in a leaky paper cup & serve. Wait 6-8 months for someone to repair the cup. If you're impatient, hire an unlicensed, out-of-state contractor to do the job for an outrageous sum and pray he doesn't hurt himself in the process.

F.E.M.A. FIZZLE
1 oz. Southern Comfort
2 oz. Slow Gin
Tonic water
One week after the storm has passed & your neighborhood is still in ruins with NO SIGN of help on the way, combine Southern Comfort & gin in a cocktail glass. Fill remainder w/ tonic and a dash of bitters. Serve w/ a nut brownie and before drinking, raise the glass and say the toast, "Ya did a helluva job there, Brownie!!!"