WHO AM I?

I was born in one country, raised in another.
My father was born in another country.
I was not his only child. He fathered several children with numerous women.
I became very close to my mother, as my father showed no interest in me. My mother died at an early age from cancer.
Later in life, questions arose over my real name.
My birth records were sketchy and no one was able to produce a legitimate, reliable birth certificate.

I grew up practicing one faith but converted to Christianity, as it was widely accepted in my country, but I practiced non-traditional beliefs & didn't follow Christianity, except in the public eye under scrutiny.
I worked and lived among lower-class people as a young adult, disguising myself as someone who really cared about them.
That was before I decided it was time to get serious about my life and I embarked on a new career.

I wrote a book about my struggles growing up. It was clear to those who read my memoirs that I had difficulties accepting that my father abandoned me as a child.
I became active in local politics in my 30's then with help behind the scenes, I literally burst onto the scene as a candidate for national office in my 40s. They said I had a golden tongue and could talk anyone into anything. That reinforced my conceit.

I had a virtually non-existent resume, little work history, and no experience in leading a single organization. Yet I was a powerful speaker and citizens were drawn to me as though I were a magnet and they were small roofing tacks. I drew incredibly large crowds during my public appearances. This bolstered my ego.

At first, my political campaign focused on my country's foreign policy. I was very critical of my country in the last war and seized every opportunity to bash my country. But what launched my rise to national prominence were my views on the country's economy. I pretended to have a really good plan on how we could do better and every poor person would be fed & housed for free.

I knew which group was responsible for getting us into this mess. It was the free market, banks & corporations. I decided to start making citizens hate them and if they were envious of others who did well, the plan was clinched tight. I called mine "A People's Campaign" and that sounded good to all people.

I knew that, if I merely offered the people 'hope', together we could ‘change’ our country and the world. So, I started to make my speeches sound like they were on behalf of the downtrodden, poor, ignorant to include "persecuted minorities" like the Jews. My true views were not widely known and I needed to keep them unknown, until after I became my nation's leader.

I had to carefully guard reality, as anybody could have easily found out what I really believed, if they had simply read my writings and examined those people I associated with. I'm glad they didn't. Then I became the most powerful man in the world.

And the world learned the truth.

Who am I?













ADOLF HITLER.

(who were you thinking of?)

Hot Air

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a trout stream fly fishing below. She shouted to him, 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, 'You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

She rolled her eyes and said, 'You must be a Republican.'

'I am,' replied the fly fisherman. 'How did you know?'

'Well,' answered the balloonist, ' everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me.

'The man smiled and responded, 'You must be a Democrat.

''I am,' replied the balloonist. 'How did you know?

''Well,' said the fly fisherman, 'you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault!

Summer is officially here (never mind the equinox)

Well, yesterday was the last day of school for the 08-09 school year, so that means our summer has officially started! I can't believe it! Everyone finished on a high note with excellent grades and some honors and awards bestowed upon them. I'm so proud of both of my children. So now they are officially 8th and 6th graders!


Next week is a good week. Both of them will be at summer camp! Brad leaves Sunday afternoon for Boy Scout camp, Blake leaves Monday morning for church camp. Bob is going to help for a couple day sat the scout camp, which is only about 45 minutes away from us. We will go back Thursday for Family Night, spend the night in a tent (as long as it's not raining!), then get up Friday morning and bring Brad home after they break camp. Blake gets home that afternoon. She will be at a Student Life camp at Howard Payne University in Brownwood, Texas. Still having trouble finding Extra-Long Twin sheets, so she may have to bring her sleeping bag! Most stores do not carry XL Twin sheets until "back to school" time.


We are also planning to get to San Antonio and points nearby to see The Alamo (now that both kids have had Texas history) and hit Schlitterbahn, a cool water park in nearby New Braunfels, TX. And we may see if we can squeeze in a last-minute cruise. It will be short notice, if so.


Other than that, we've got cousins coming for a week or so visit, and plan to do some day trips during the summer break. It's not blistering hot yet, so I really like being outside!

Wal-Mart's Computer

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Bob says to Mike behind him, 'My elbow hurts something terrible. I guess I'd better see a doctor..

''Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies.'There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart . Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.It takes ten seconds and costs $10 - A lot cheaper than a doctor.'

So, Bob deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.He deposits $10, and th e computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.10 seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in 2 weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.'

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Bob began wondering if the computer could be fooled.He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.Bob hurries back to Wal-Mart , eager to check the results. He deposits $10, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better! Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.

TGI Friday's & the Vegetable Medly

Dadgum! For the record may I make it plain and clear that had *I* been the diner at the TGI Friday's in New York who found a severed snake head nestled under my broccoli, I'd have thrown up, passed out, and had a heart attack, all simultaneously! Read here:

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/news/localnews/stories/050809dnmetsnakehead.7f22cc2.html

What kind of pervert does that? Last I heard, the mob was still sending dead fish wrapped in newspaper or severed horse heads, not thumb-sized snake heads. So I doubt a hit is out on this guy. At least not by the mob. But whether this was a joke or a message, the end result is the same, I think: that poor guy will NEVER order broccoli again! That is if he ever eats out again! I'm not certain *I''ll* ever order broccoli again myself!

Swine Flu hits close to home

Well, living in a state that borders Mexico is never boring. Dallas had it's first death from Swine Flu on Tuesday, a toddler boy who was visiting w/ family from Mexico. The cases in the area, other than this little boy, are not requiring hospitalization, but rest at home like any flu. And tamaflu (Rx) works well against it. All cases seem to have some connection with the afflicted being in contact with someone from Mexico, or having recently been to Mexico.

Fort Worth schools are closed until May 11. They have 4 probably cases, 1 confirmed, and are trying to contain the spread of the virus. There is a 2-day incubation and a 7-8 day window in which the person is contagious. Cleburne, Tx, a small town just south of FW, has 1 confirmed case but the city basically closed down: schools and city offices. They are asking day cares to close, all libraries and museums to close, people to basically stay home.

Our town is affected b/c anything occurring outside of regular school hours has been cancelled thru May 11. So DD has no swim team practice; DS has no choir practices or performances; no athletic games or practices.... really disrupting the end-of-year crescendos of activities.Wonder if they'll tighten border security now....PS: I find it interesting that in Israel, they are calling it "Mexican Flu", since swine are not kosher

Teaching Cooking to Kids!

Well, I me our children's pastor for coffee this morning to discuss my idea for Vacation Bible School, and she gave me the go-ahead to teach cooking classes to 5th- and 6th-grade kids! I offered to do this last year, but it was too late to get it going and they were worried about heat and knives. The VBS is a Sports & Fun Arts Camp, where the kids can learn a new skill like pottery, painting, sign language, balloon-creature-making, hip-hop dance, that sort of thing, OR can work on skills in sports like soccer, volleyball, basketball, baseball, football, etc. We have something like 800 kids sign up each year.

I told her I was not interested in teaching kids to mix milk w/ a box of instant pudding; they don't need me for that. I told her heat WOULD be involved (hey, it's COOKING), but that I came up w/ a menu that uses a lot of cooking methods, lots of good hands-on, but very little chopping or cutting w/ knives. We have 4 nights to do activities, so 4 dishes. We'll do pancakes, muffins (let kids stir-in their choice of choc chips or fruit), Parmesan Chicken, and Broccoli & Bow Ties (both Ina's recipes). I want the kids to go home after the week being able to prepare supper or even breakfast for their family. Muffins will bake, pancakes on a griddle, pasta boil, broccoli (frozen florets) microwave to steam, and we'll pan-fry chicken.

I need to come up w/ a shopping list and budget, but as I told her, we don't need snacks each night like other groups do! We'll be eating our creations for snacks!

I'll ask the kids to bring a hat or hair restraint and an apron each night, maybe thick pot holders. I plan to discuss Food Safety, Personal Safety (avoiding steam burns, etc), cleaning up vs. clean-as-you-go, how to set a table, how to properly measure wet and dry ingredients, maybe why leavening works, stuff like that. I will only take 12 kids, and have 2 other adult helpers, plus DD(13½). Seems like a drop in the bucket, but for a huge church, we have pretty lame kitchen facilities. That's all I can do.

I'M SO JAZZED about this! I'd even love to teach adult cooking classes! So many people of my generation were the first to have working moms and grew up eating take-out and grocery store deli food. They never learned to cook. And now can't teach their kids to cook. I feel called to equip people to do the most basic of life skills: cooking. And the first week of August, I'll start w/ 12 kiddos from my church!