A Modest Observation

I took the kids to the pool yesterday. It was a bright, sunny day, a light breeze, perfect pool weather. But I saw two different women there who made me look twice. No, three times.

The first thing you need to understand is that the pool we belong to is very much a family-oriented pool. Young mothers meet up with other young mothers for their children to have play dates. Teens get together to work on their tans and try to flirt with the lifeguards. Grandparents are just as likely to be bringing their grandchildren to the pool as mommas and daddies. Teens may wear bikinis, but for the most part, even women with great figures wear a tank suit and a swim skirt for modesty. I've never seen a male in a Speedo there (thank goodness). Modesty rules. The only thongs you ever see are on people's feet. Until yesterday.

I saw a woman there who must have been the Brazilian Miss Universe contestant. She had a figure that would make Pamela Anderson jealous. And she wasn't afraid to flaunt it. She was wearing a halter-style bikini top. And the bottoms? a thong. Yep, you read that right, she had on butt floss for a bikini bottom.

The pool was pretty crowded, and she could not find a chaise lounge to set her towel on. Not that she planned to lay there. She turned her back to me, I saw her thong, and before I could look away, I was shot. She bent over to spread out her towel on the ground. In high-heeled shoes. I saw things only doctors see. I heard a grandma near me gasp aloud. I heard necks creaking of daddies and grandpas creaking as they turned to take a gander of the scene. She was on the cell phone, seemingly oblivious to the stir she had caused, and would stop, strike a pose, and then bend over and scratch her ankle. Or brush off some invisible debris from her big toe. Men were quietly watching from behind sunglasses, probably saying a brief prayer of thanks for choosing this hour to be at this pool. The women were watching, too, but they were fuming. My daughter and I nicknamed her "TL" (Thong Lady). At one point, my daughter says "Ewww, Mom, TL just bent over and adjusted her shoe." Apparently her high-heeled slides had cause her enough grief to warrant bending over in that thong again.

The second thing I spotted was a woman who had to be 8½ months pregnant. She was in a bikini. Yes, a skimpy, 2-piece bikini. Her big shiny, pointy belly stuck out, causing her stretch marks to glisten in the sun. She had no belly button, as it was stretched open. She even had the linea nigra running from her belly button area into her bikini bottoms. Thank goodness I had sunglasses on or my gape may have been more obvious. Now I understand about being pregnant. And I understand about being hot. I was pregnant during the summer for both of my children, since they were early fall babies. I'm not sure why this bothered me. I mean, it was only a tummy, right? People wear 2-piece swimsuits all the time. And guys with big beer guts walk around in swim trunks all the time. But for some reason, this just seemed indecent, like it was a private part of her body. I do know this: Even if I were a size 6 and was as hot as a camel's armpit, I would not show off my big, shiny, pregnant belly in public. On the bright side, I'm grateful the pregnant lady wasn't wearing a thong.